Ten years ago, at this very moment, I didn't know it, but I was beginning the biggest adventure of my life. Ten years ago, at this very moment, I was hitting the hay early because I didn't "feel so hot". Ten years ago, at this very moment, I was one hour into an eighteen hour labor. Ten years ago, at this very moment...
...I was about to become a mother.
Motherhood, parenthood...the greatest adventure I ever could have hoped to embark on. There's no turning back, it can only get crazier, more involved, more fun.
Road trips were fun. Spontaneous. It's true. So were parties, when we first move in together. Sure. New jobs. It's all an adventure. But nothing like this.
Not every adventure starts with an intimate moment. A condom, unwrapped, tossed to the side. Legs in the air. Pee on a stick. A trip to the OB. Elastic waistbands. And a bellyache that starts at 9:30 PM and reoccurs in frequently closer intervals. A groan. A scream. A push.
Now that's an adventure.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Growing, growing...gone
Going into my fourth, and decidedly final, pregnancy, I worried about how I would handle what I call "the end of an era". I feared that I would reach a total meltdown, knowing full well that each milestone Dori reached, it would be the last time I would experience it with a child of my own. When I held her after birth, when she latched on to my right (yes I remember that) breast for her first meal, I was aware of the fact that I would never again hold a baby in its first minutes of life (unless, of course, I become a midwife, or doula, or am present for someone else's birth-but it's not the same). It's all kind of exhausting to think about.
Surprisingly, I've been taking it well. While I was pregnant, I asked my friend Deb, who has five kids, how she felt after she had her last. Since she got her tubes tied, I knew she didn't plan on having any more. "You get over it" she told me. "Yeah, it's sad sometimes, but you just have to get used to enjoying them where they are". Well said. And I do have to say, I have been savoring every moment.
However, the other day I just started to feel...old? Maybe? Well, not so much old, but a feeling as if my children are getting away from me. I don't know if it's Palmer's fast-approaching 10th (!) birthday, or the first bag of NB/0-3 months clothes I pulled and bagged from Dori's funky, home-made changing table/bereau, but something just hit me. Kids grow. We all know that. They outgrow their clothes, learn to walk and talk, start school...but as they do, you lose a little bit of who they were.
Take Palmer for instance. I remember his first four years as an only child. With each passing year, heck, every month, I would exclaim to anyone who would listen "This is the best age!". And I still believe that. It was my first time to experience these phases, and I loved them all. He went from snuggly baby, to bright toddler, to inquisitive preschooler, to this person he is now. Some people say of a long night: "It seemed like ten years!". Well, how about 10 years seeming like one night! He no longer posseses all the traits he was known for as a wee one. And it's not a bad thing: he's a math wiz, a talented artist, a strong athlete and a hard-working musician. (Reading is not his forte, but I'll accept is dislike of books for the interest he has in teaching himself to play the guitar). But little "P", well, he's left the building. And soon, this boy will be a man, and the child will be lost forever.
I see it in all my kids. There are advantages and disadvantages to having well-spaced children. So, although many think I'm nuts for spacing my children over the course of a decade, I get to enjoy each phase, one at a time, from each child. While Aidan is turning into a young man like Palmer, I see so much of both my older boys in Logan. He's far more headstrong than they were, but he also shows so much of their signature toddler behaviors.
Dori is a different story. As she grows, not only do I know that it will be our last baby/toddler/preschool experience, but it will also be our first with a girl. All those wonderful boy moments ended with Logan. Now I'm playing with a whole new deck of cards. And this one's missing the Jacks and Kings. Raising a girl will be so different. What if I love it so much that I want more? This time, I have little to look back on for comparison. I have Power Rangers, dinosaurs, and potty jokes embedded in my memory. Now I'm in a new world where fairies and princesses will be replaced with Hannah Montana (or rather, her successor) and fashion as she grows. But that's where I am. And all I can do...is savor each moment.
So as I laid on the couch this morning, with my baby girl sleeping on my chest, I did just that. And I'll get over having to give away her clothes, because after all...
"This is the best age!"
Surprisingly, I've been taking it well. While I was pregnant, I asked my friend Deb, who has five kids, how she felt after she had her last. Since she got her tubes tied, I knew she didn't plan on having any more. "You get over it" she told me. "Yeah, it's sad sometimes, but you just have to get used to enjoying them where they are". Well said. And I do have to say, I have been savoring every moment.
However, the other day I just started to feel...old? Maybe? Well, not so much old, but a feeling as if my children are getting away from me. I don't know if it's Palmer's fast-approaching 10th (!) birthday, or the first bag of NB/0-3 months clothes I pulled and bagged from Dori's funky, home-made changing table/bereau, but something just hit me. Kids grow. We all know that. They outgrow their clothes, learn to walk and talk, start school...but as they do, you lose a little bit of who they were.
Take Palmer for instance. I remember his first four years as an only child. With each passing year, heck, every month, I would exclaim to anyone who would listen "This is the best age!". And I still believe that. It was my first time to experience these phases, and I loved them all. He went from snuggly baby, to bright toddler, to inquisitive preschooler, to this person he is now. Some people say of a long night: "It seemed like ten years!". Well, how about 10 years seeming like one night! He no longer posseses all the traits he was known for as a wee one. And it's not a bad thing: he's a math wiz, a talented artist, a strong athlete and a hard-working musician. (Reading is not his forte, but I'll accept is dislike of books for the interest he has in teaching himself to play the guitar). But little "P", well, he's left the building. And soon, this boy will be a man, and the child will be lost forever.
I see it in all my kids. There are advantages and disadvantages to having well-spaced children. So, although many think I'm nuts for spacing my children over the course of a decade, I get to enjoy each phase, one at a time, from each child. While Aidan is turning into a young man like Palmer, I see so much of both my older boys in Logan. He's far more headstrong than they were, but he also shows so much of their signature toddler behaviors.
Dori is a different story. As she grows, not only do I know that it will be our last baby/toddler/preschool experience, but it will also be our first with a girl. All those wonderful boy moments ended with Logan. Now I'm playing with a whole new deck of cards. And this one's missing the Jacks and Kings. Raising a girl will be so different. What if I love it so much that I want more? This time, I have little to look back on for comparison. I have Power Rangers, dinosaurs, and potty jokes embedded in my memory. Now I'm in a new world where fairies and princesses will be replaced with Hannah Montana (or rather, her successor) and fashion as she grows. But that's where I am. And all I can do...is savor each moment.
So as I laid on the couch this morning, with my baby girl sleeping on my chest, I did just that. And I'll get over having to give away her clothes, because after all...
"This is the best age!"
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Boys 2 Men
I have to say, I am quite surprised and pleased with the boys this weekend. For those of you who know my boys, their style of dress is quite casual. Typical wardrobe for Palmer and Aidan consists of jeans, cargo pants (especially those annoying ones with the zip-off bottoms that always get lost), t-shirts, t-shirts, more t-shirts, and hoodies. Logan can usually be seen wearing jean or cords, and would be in his glory if he could wear his Miami Dolphins jersey every day. Since I learned the hard way (from a giant bag of barely-used shoes in my cellar) that dress shoes for boys are a waste of money, they each own 2 pairs of Vans, and, with the exception of their snow boots, that's it. Black Vans, that go with everything. Well, except for Palmer's one pair of checkerboard slip-ons with the lime green snakes on them. But you get the idea.
Dress up occasions are reserved for two days a year: Christmas and Easter. Christmas garb has no limits, and in the past has just been anything I can find to match, so they'll all look alike in their picutres. But on Easter, we actually go to church, so we tend to get a bit fancier. As toddlers, Palmer and Aidan would usually rock the same type of outfit every Easter: khaki shorts with some type of polo, or perhaps a t-shirt and sweater vest. Got to love a little boy in a sweater vest. In fact, while in Target the other day, Logan gravitated toward a handsome set with plaid shorts, a long-sleeve white button-down, and a sweater vest. It's just a shame that his big, square head has gotten too big for his Scali cap. Sweet. Two down, two to go.
I told Palmer and Aidan I would take them Easter shopping a Khol's. Figured they'd want some of the cool plaid Union Bay shorts and matching polos. But no...
Palmer: "Can I get a tux?"
Me: "A tux?!?!"
Palmer: "No, I mean a suit"
Me: "I'll see what we can find. Suits can be expensive"
Aidan: "I want a suit too."
It gave me warm fuzzies. Here were two little boys who think every day is casual Friday, wanting the dressiest clothes we can buy. I can't believe they're becoming so mature. Our shopping trip proved fruitful: although we didn't purchase a full suit for either one, Palmer selected some chic grey slacks with a pleated front, a black leather belt, and a pink (his favorite color) button-down shirt with a pink and blue striped tie. Aidan (of all people), chose a "suit" with black pants, a sky blue button-down shirt, a yellow and blue tie, and houndstooth vest. They look so handsome!
They will be wearing them with their Vans. I told Palmer that under no circumstances will the snake shoes be worn.
On the flip side:
This is my first Easter with a little girl. Yes!!! Froo-froo dress!! Yesssss!!! Easter bonnet! Yess!!! Fancy little shoes!!
Not being uber-feminine myself, it sometimes surprises me how much I love dressing up my daughter and buying little girl clothes. I had to restrain myself at Khol's and only buy one sundress with a matching bonnet off of the sale rack. My theory: I need to do this to keep her from being the ultimate tomboy. The way I see it, if I force frilly, girly stuff down her throat, and her brothers force trucks, football, aliens, and wrestling down her throat, I'll all be digested together and we'll reach a happy medium. Right?
Dress up occasions are reserved for two days a year: Christmas and Easter. Christmas garb has no limits, and in the past has just been anything I can find to match, so they'll all look alike in their picutres. But on Easter, we actually go to church, so we tend to get a bit fancier. As toddlers, Palmer and Aidan would usually rock the same type of outfit every Easter: khaki shorts with some type of polo, or perhaps a t-shirt and sweater vest. Got to love a little boy in a sweater vest. In fact, while in Target the other day, Logan gravitated toward a handsome set with plaid shorts, a long-sleeve white button-down, and a sweater vest. It's just a shame that his big, square head has gotten too big for his Scali cap. Sweet. Two down, two to go.
I told Palmer and Aidan I would take them Easter shopping a Khol's. Figured they'd want some of the cool plaid Union Bay shorts and matching polos. But no...
Palmer: "Can I get a tux?"
Me: "A tux?!?!"
Palmer: "No, I mean a suit"
Me: "I'll see what we can find. Suits can be expensive"
Aidan: "I want a suit too."
It gave me warm fuzzies. Here were two little boys who think every day is casual Friday, wanting the dressiest clothes we can buy. I can't believe they're becoming so mature. Our shopping trip proved fruitful: although we didn't purchase a full suit for either one, Palmer selected some chic grey slacks with a pleated front, a black leather belt, and a pink (his favorite color) button-down shirt with a pink and blue striped tie. Aidan (of all people), chose a "suit" with black pants, a sky blue button-down shirt, a yellow and blue tie, and houndstooth vest. They look so handsome!
They will be wearing them with their Vans. I told Palmer that under no circumstances will the snake shoes be worn.
On the flip side:
This is my first Easter with a little girl. Yes!!! Froo-froo dress!! Yesssss!!! Easter bonnet! Yess!!! Fancy little shoes!!
Not being uber-feminine myself, it sometimes surprises me how much I love dressing up my daughter and buying little girl clothes. I had to restrain myself at Khol's and only buy one sundress with a matching bonnet off of the sale rack. My theory: I need to do this to keep her from being the ultimate tomboy. The way I see it, if I force frilly, girly stuff down her throat, and her brothers force trucks, football, aliens, and wrestling down her throat, I'll all be digested together and we'll reach a happy medium. Right?
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